


If I Fall

by NegativeOpia



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Daniel Sousa is a precious bean we must protect at all costs, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Post 7x06, Whump
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:01:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,278
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25232827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NegativeOpia/pseuds/NegativeOpia
Summary: Post 7x06Daisy survived Malick, like she survived everything else. There's pain, there's sadness, and a whole lot more. Whether she likes it or not, Daniel Sousa will be at her side the whole way through.
Relationships: Skye | Daisy Johnson/Daniel Sousa
Comments: 14
Kudos: 171





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. Never in my entire life did I think I'd write aos fanfic again but here we are. I may continue this, I may not, let me know how you feel. Enjoy!

She was getting used to the pain.

That didn’t mean it ever got easier. In fact, this time felt worse. Much, much worse. Violation in its truest form, taking everything from inside of her and making it his. It was repulsive, demeaning. It was...too much.

God it was all too  _ fucking  _ much.

The pain had overwhelmed her senses hours ago, the most memorable being the needle he’d stuck into her neck right after she shoved a shard of glass in her palm. That hurt, too, but it was a different kind of hurt. It had been her choice, which somehow made it better.

Everything else was a blur. The smell of hay and rotten wood, strong arms throwing her to the ground, comforting her, carrying her.

_ Carrying her? _

The texture of the ground beneath her finally came into focus. It was hard, but not hard like before. The pain was still there, clear as day, which meant she was still in the barn. Still with Malick.

Daisy’s heart began to speed up and she couldn’t tell if the pain in her arms was real or just a memory. Would a memory make it any less real? Will she ever forget this pain?

Her eyes were squeezed shut but it didn’t stop the man’s face from swimming in her vision above her. Strapping her down. Poking her, hurting her. God she just wanted this to be over. Her heart picked up more until she heard the beating in her ears. Finally, the sound of her sharp breaths broke through the air, grounding her in reality. She fought the instinct to open her eyes in fear of what she would find. 

The face above her turned blurry, moving, plotting, and she couldn’t take it anymore. She opened her eyes with a yelp, frantic gaze searching the room. She was overwhelmed with the sound of beeping machines and shuffling footsteps. Daisy tried to sit up, but a shooting pain forced her back down with a thump, a loud groan escaping her lips. 

Soon, the face above her was familiar. The good kind of familiar.

“Settle down, Johnson.” Sousa’s eyes were full of concern, staring at her through the opening of the healing pod.

_ Healing pod? _

Daisy finally scanned the room. She was in the med bay. The med bay of the Zephyr. She looked back at Sousa with a furrowed brow.

“You’re in the Zephyr. We escaped, Daisy. We’re safe,” Sousa said, his hands fidgeting in his lap. “You’re safe now.”

Daisy closed her eyes, exhaling heavily before opening them once again.

“I can’t-” her words caught in her throat. She felt the needles everywhere. In her arms, her wrists, her neck… “It hurts.”

Sousa’s face turned grim. He shifted closer to where she laid down, careful to keep some distance. 

“I’m sorry,” Daisy whispered, shaking her head. She could see the pity already forming in his eyes. It was her fault this happened, her fault they got kidnapped in the first place. If she hadn’t been so careless using her powers...“You don’t need to be here-”

“I do.” He cut her off with an intensity she’d never seen. “And don’t you apologize. To me or to anyone, not now.”

“But it’s my fault-”

“I mean it, Agent Johnson.”

There was a comfortable silence then. Sousa was close, his hand not quiet brushing against hers where it rested on the pod. She stared at the ceiling, listening to the rhythmic pulse of her heart. Still beating. Still beating.

“When I woke up I thought…” Daisy couldn’t understand why it was so hard for her to talk. The tears threatened to spill any second, and she hated the vulnerability that made her feel. “I thought I was going to wake up on that table again. I couldn’t tell if the pain was real or if I was just remembering.”

Sousa nodded. It seemed like an invitation to continue, and Daisy shocked herself when the words continued to spill out.

“I’ve been hurt before but this time,” she took a deep breath, finally meeting his eyes. “This time felt different.”

Absentmindedly, Sousa began stroking his leg. He winced in pain when he hit a nerve.

“It’s going to get worse before it gets better.” He looked back at her, reaching out to grab her hand. “But it does get better. Eventually.”

She wondered how long ‘eventually’ would take. She wrapped her fingers around his, ignoring the pain in her hand to squeeze his. 

“How long-” her voice sounded weak, scratchy almost, as if she had screamed her throat dry. “How long has it been?”

Sousa shuffled awkwardly before lifting his hand from hers, rather hesitantly, Daisy noticed. She missed the weight of it immediately, flexing her fingers in the absence of his hands.

“We made it out about 15 hours ago. You’ve been asleep ever since. Slept right through the jump.” Daisy raised her eyebrow and Sousa shot her a mischievous smile. “Yes, we jumped again.”

“How did we escape?” God, she was thirsty. She couldn’t remember the last time she had anything to eat or drink, nor could she remember anything after being on the operating table.

“That shard of glass you shoved into your palm did the trick. Used it to take out the guard, grab his keys, and get us out.” Sousa leaned back into his chair. Daisy raised her eyebrow at him.

“Mr. ‘Shield takes hostages now?’ used a shank to take out a guard?” She scoffed, licking her dry lips. “I’m shocked.”

“Well, things changed,” Sousa whispered. Daisy swore she heard her heart monitor skip a beat in the corner. 

“Thank you. For saving me.” When she looked back at him, he had an odd look on his face. She knew that look. She knew that look and was terrified of it, so instead she asked,

“What year?” Daisy tried sitting up again, and this time it worked. Almost. Sousa’s arm shot up to catch her before she fell back, steadying her on the side of the healing pod. He eyed her closely, hesitant to allow her to move but knew better than to tell her to slow down.

“1990. I think. Something happened to the time machine doodad. Simmons tried to explain it but…” he sighed, running his hand through his hair. “It’s a lot of future scientific concepts I don’t understand.”

Daisy stared at him behind tired eyes, lips almost turning up in a smile.

“What is it?” Sousa asked.

“Did you just say ‘doodad’?”

He looked at her, watching her amusement grow.

“What, is that not a term anymore?” he asked, unable to hide his smirk.

“Oh no, it’s a term.” She was openly smiling now. “If you’re a midwestern grandpa trying to operate a microwave oven.”

Sousa’s smile faltered slightly. 

“What’s a microwave oven?” 

Daisy barely caught the redness that rose in his cheeks before she burst out into laughter. He joined her immediately, discovering for the first time that Agent Johnson’s laugh was rather contagious.

“Daisy!” A familiar scolding tone tore her from her laughter. Jemma rushed to her side, adjusting the IV in her arm. “What the hell are you doing?”

Daisy shook her head, swiping Jemma away.

“I’ll be fine, Simmons.”

“I will be the judge of that.” Jemma immediately began scouring Daisy’s levels, reading numbers off of the tablet in her hands. “Agent Sousa, you were supposed to inform me of any changes in her condition.”

Sousa shrugged, and Daisy’s smile only grew at the sight of Simmons scolding him. Daisy suddenly remembered the mission: insight, the lighthouse, May and Coulson.

“Hey, is everyone else okay?” she asked, looking between Sousa and Jemma.

“Deke and Mack had a little...incident, but they’re fine. Coulson didn’t make it, but we have his backup. He’ll be up and running in no time.”

Daisy still wasn’t used to the new Simmons. To be honest, she didn’t like it. The Jemma she knew was never this...robotic, almost too collected. Daisy also didn’t appreciate how unfazed she was to find out that Coulson had, yet again, died.

“Agents May and Rodriguez are off on personal business, and Enoch is working on repairing the machine,” Sousa said nonchalantly. Daisy caught Jemma’s movements still.

“Personal business?” Daisy asked, looking at Jemma. Her eyebrows shot up, dropping the tablet on the table.

“Your blood sugar is dangerously low. I’ll fetch you some juice.” She was out the door before Daisy’s next breath. Daisy looked at Sousa, who had an equally perplexed look on his face.

Simmons was hiding something. Not that _ that  _ was anything new.

“Let’s go,” Daisy said, pushing herself up. Sousa leapt to his feet.

“Woah, slow down. You have to stay here, doctor’s orders.” He pushed Daisy’s shoulder until she lost balance, toppling back into the pod.

“Jemma has been my doctor enough times to know that I don’t listen to a word she says,” Daisy sighed, pushing herself up once more. “Like, ever.”

Sousa rolled his eyes, grasping his chair to keep balanced.

“You’re weak, Agent Johnson. You were tortured and drained of your power. You need to stay here and recover.”

“Or, I need to figure out what Simmons is hiding from me.” Daisy stared at him, waiting for his response. “I’m going with or without you. However, I’m less likely to hurt myself if you’re there to catch me if I fall.”

“ _ When _ you fall-”

“ _ If  _ I fall.” She flashed him a too-big-to-be-real smile.

Sousa sighed, shaking his head yet holding out his arm. Daisy smiled up at him, wrapping her arm through his.

Walking was harder than she anticipated it would be. She was already exhausted by the time they reached the door of the medbay, her legs wobbling on unsteady feet. Of course, Sousa could tell.

“We can turn back.”

“No.”

“Daisy, you don’t have to prove anything-”

“I’m not-” Daisy’s vision swirled. Her hand darted out to catch herself on the wall. “I know. I just can’t….” She didn’t truly know why she felt this way, why the hell she was so determined to go full steam ahead no matter what the others said. She sighed as she settled back into Sousa’s arm. “I can’t have people looking at me like I’m broken.”

Sousa nodded, and the realization hit her that he probably understood more than most. They continued forward through the dark halls, the sound of mechanical whirring floating in through the vents. They reached operations at a slow pace, where Deke, Mack, and Enoch were each working on a different server panel. She narrowed her eyes at the men.

“Is that...eyeliner?” Daisy asked, her voice weak from exhaustion. Deke’s head poked out from under the table, his eyes lighting up in a smile.

“Daisy!” He lunged at her with his arms wide open. Sousa quickly intercepted him, catching Deke’s shirt at the collar.

“Easy there, buddy,” Sousa said.

Mack smiled, clapping Daisy on the shoulder. 

“You scared me for a second there, Tremors. Never seen you sleep that long.” His voice was heavy but familiar. Daisy shrugged.

“Well, with this one gone,” she gestured to Deke. “I finally had some peace and quiet.”

Deke raised his eyebrows

“Rude,” he said, putting his hands on his waist defensively. Daisy narrowed her eyes at him. “But not entirely untrue, I guess.”

Daisy felt it then. At first, she thought it was another dizziness spell. She clutched harder onto Sousa’s arm, who looked at her with concern.

“Daisy?”

Her face was paler than before, her grip shaky where she held onto him tighter than normal. She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head.

She knew this feeling. The feeling of the air growing heavier, gravity growing until you thought everything around you would collapse into nothingness. She hadn’t felt it in years, being sucked out of the room and appearing in a new one with a flash of blue light.

Her suspicions were confirmed when the air in front of them began to warp, the blue hue already beginning to form.

“What the hell is this?” Sousa pulled her away, putting an arm protectively at her waist. She was too shocked to reply, just staring at the spot she knew Gordon was about to appear. Sousa looked at Daisy, her eyes wide with an emotion he couldn’t place. Before he could do anything, a ring of blue light flashed in front of him, within it four figures. He knew two of them, Agents May and Rodriguez, but the two others were strangers; a man and a woman. He heard Daisy take in a sharp breath once the light faded away to nothing.

“Mom?”


	2. Seeing Ghosts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the amazing feedback! Please keep it coming. I'll gift you guys a new chapter in honor of the episode tonight. Enjoy!

The room fell silent. Daisy stared unblinking at the woman, a long forgotten alarm beeping on the touchscreen table in the back. No one bothered to check it, no one bothered to even look. Sousa looked back and forth between the girl and the tall, unfamiliar figure.

_ Mom. _

The woman was Daisy’s mother. 

Sousa sucked in a sharp breath. It was the loudest noise in the room, everyone else was caught in the intensity of the moment. Agents May and Rodriguez shifted on their feet next to a man with, literally, no eyes. The woman in question had a kind face, deep brown eyes sharing an equally confused face as everybody else.

Agent May was the first one to snap out of it. She blinked twice, looking between the woman and Daisy before responding.

“Yes?”

Daisy’s gaze flew to Agent May. Sousa blinked back in surprise and, judging from the other blank looks in the room, so did everybody else.

“What is it, honey?” Agent May spoke again, tilting her head at Daisy. The girl's mouth was still parted in shock, now furrowing her eyebrows at May’s words. She was still clinging onto Sousa’s arm, but he felt her grip become unsteady. Daisy’s eyelids started drooping and her breath became quick.

“Can I talk to you?” Daisy said weakly. “Mom,” she added. Behind Agent May, Deke’s eyes were round, lips turning up in an amused smile. Agent May nodded, turning to the two strangers.

“Elena will show you where to go. I’ll meet you there when I can.”

They nodded, the other woman observing Daisy with interest before turning to follow Agent Rodriguez or, Elena, he should say. Agent May was careful not to brush them as she passed, leading them back into the med bay at a pace far too quick for Daisy’s weak body. Sosa kept his voice low when he spoke.

“Was that-”

“My mom? Yeah.” Daisy breathed out shakily. Sousa purposely slowed their walking, still worried this pace was too fast for her. She was too determined for her own good, already up and walking minutes after coming out of a coma. He had to admit it, he was impressed. And Daniel didn’t get impressed easily. 

His mind was back in that room. He saw the tension in the room at the woman’s appearance, could feel it making the air grow thicker by the second. He was missing something. Something big.

“When was the last time you saw her?” Sousa asked. Daisy’s eyes grew darker, wincing at the memory. He almost felt bad for asking.

_ She’s tough. She can handle it. _

“About 5 years ago,” she breathed. They were close to the medbay now, so close that he could see May’s body pacing through the glass.

“What happened?” He hated himself for continuing to push, for obviously unearthing traumatic memories, but he was tired of being left in the dark. For some reason, he trusted her to tell him the truth. Daisy took a deep breath, gripping the sliding door as they turned to enter.

“I killed her.”

_ Oh. _

“Daisy, you have to understand-” May began.

“What the hell, May?” Daisy let go of Sousa, walking shakily to lean against the healing pod. He lingered in the doorway. “You went on a mission to find my mother  _ without me _ ?”

“It was critical, Daisy.” May approached the girl with her hands up in surrender. “The jump drive was malfunctioning. Yo-yo needed her powers back so she could get to it fast enough to disable it-”

“I don’t care, May!” Daisy shouted, making them both flinch. “You should’ve told me. You should’ve let me come with you.”

May shook her head and said,

“Even if you weren’t injured I wouldn’t have let you come.”

“You have no right-”

“It would have been too dangerous,” May hissed, punctuating each word sharply. “You know you can’t be trusted around her. You saw her for two seconds and already made a mess I had to clean up.”

“Well maybe if you had  _ told me _ I wouldn’t have been so shocked to see my  _ dead mother in operations _ .”

May leaned back, taking a deep breath. Her eyes shifted from Daisy to Sousa, the latter feeling as if he was imposing on a very personal conversation.

“Lets not do this in front of Agent Sousa,” May said.

“Oh, let's,” Daisy replied, adjusting her injured body on the healing pod. For some reason, Daniel didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to leave  _ her _ . So he stayed put, watching May shake her head.

“You’re letting your emotions get the best of you.”

Daisy’s eyes grew wide in disbelief and, from what Sousa could see, anger.

“My emotions…” Daisy scoffed. She trailed off, running her hands through her hair before looking back at May. “Do you have any idea how long I’ve waited? How much I’ve imagined a mother whose morality wasn’t tortured out of her?” Tears brimmed the edge of Daisy’s eyes. “Do you know how many nights I’ve lied awake at night wondering what she would be like--what she was like--before he got to her?”

“Daisy-”

The girl pushed off of the pod, anger fueling her still unstable steps.

“Before he ripped all the good from inside of her?” She was closer to May now, fists tight at her sides. Slowly, the room began to tremble. He heard it first by the test tubes, where the glasses hopped in their holders, emitting high pitched screeches. The table to his side started shaking, the contents toppling to the ground. Sparks ignited outside, and he was reminded about the fragile state of the plane. For the first time, Sousa spoke.

“Daisy, you have to relax. The plane can’t handle this right now.”

But the girl was determined, surging slowly towards May, who held her ground.

“I was trying to protect you!”

“I killed my own mother, May!”

The trembling ceased immediately. Daisy collapsed in on herself, dropping to the floor with silent sobs pulsing through her body. Sousa felt the sadness growing in his chest but held himself back from comforting her, knowing this wasn’t his place. May had a knowing look on her face as she bent down across from her, the hesitation to touch Daisy clear in her movements. “And I hate myself every day for it.” Daisy whispered through sharp breaths. 

“I know,” May whispered. “I’m sorry, Daisy.”

The girl said nothing. May reached out, tucking a strand of hair behind Daisy’s ear. She waited a beat before standing and heading towards where Sousa still lingered in the doorway. “I should go.”

Sousa furrowed his brows, nodding in understanding.

“Help her,” May whispered, reaching out and patting his shoulder. Her eyes grew wide at the contact, her lips parting in shock.

“What is it?” he asked. May looked back at Daisy for a moment before turning to Sousa, something close to understanding crossing her face.

“It’s nothing,” she said before leaving the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a very angsty, May heavy chapter because I love her. So much. Please comment and Kudos if you want to see more!


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